26/100-29/100

Where do I even start?  First of all, there is a pattern emerging.  I have been tracking my period for the last 3 years consistently with My Days, and because of that information I have been able to figure out that as I get older my PMS gets worse.  I did a bunch of apologizing this morning after the gym.  Trav said something once; we should strive to behave in a way that makes the need to apologize nonexistent.  I think the first step is learning to apologize sincerely with the intent to change the behavior, and backed up by solid action.  Working on it.

If you don’t think PMS exists then I invite you to fuck off.

Last night I went to bed with a promise on my lips that I was going to go to the gym this morning.  Our membership officially starts today and I intend to take full advantage of what they have to offer, which includes an indoor swimming pool with a super awesome and fun kids pool.  I bought Eli some new trunks and tomorrow morning, the kids are off of school, we are going to to go to open swim.  It’s going to be super fun.

Today I used the fitness equipment.  22 minutes on the elliptical and 22 minutes doing the interval program on the bike.  I seriously thought I was going to die for the first 10 minutes.  When I was done and on the way home I realized that I felt really really good.  It was during this drive home that I realized I needed to apologize to Travis.  So back to the PMS.

I think my mood swings are getting worse each month, and that sucks for every person that happens to find themselves in my presence.  Totally unfair.  I will be paying attention next month to see what happens and based on that I will make an appt. with my NP and see if we can figure something out.

I am going to give you some Day 29 progress photos.  I did not take Day 1 photos, on purpose.  I was tricking myself.  If I had posted a picture 29 days ago I would have felt the need to defend my body and the way that it looked.  Ridiculous right?  Right.  The only thing that was wrong with my body 29 days ago was that I was more uncomfortable in it then than I am now.  I don’t like to be uncomfortable.  So my defensiveness regarding the aesthetics of my body are purely designed to trick ME into believing that I was comfortable, instead of just doing the fucking work to make myself more fucking comfortable.

By waiting for 29 days to post a progress photo I have completely skipped the bad foot my fitness adventures usually start off on and gave myself time to do solid work that would have the outcome of me feeling me comfortable in my skin.  Genius right?

There was more sweat under my boobs right after I was done. I was actually breathing as though I were in labor. HA!

26/100 & 27/100

When food disappoints me I usually continue stuffing my face with it until it’s gone no matter if I enjoy it while I am eating it or not.  Again, not being aware of the food I am consuming.  Eat to appreciate flavors and to fuel my body.  If I grab a pumpkin bar and it’s dry and tasteless (not like Jen’s from last Sunday, they were perfect!) or the frosting is gross then I am brought to a place where I have to make a decision.  I can choose to eat with abandon food that is disappointing me or I can choose to wait for a dessert that will not disappoint me.

The choice is obvious for someone who is trying to be healthier and more comfortable.

When I make the choice to wait for a dessert that isn’t going to disappoint me I am giving myself the opportunity to really enjoy my food.  Dessert is special, and it is not something that I want to eat on a daily basis.  This is the gist of Day 27, and the lesson pulls on the other things I have been learning; appropriate portion sizes, 2 bites, smaller amounts less often, and most importantly taking responsibility for my heath and the choices that get me from one spot to another.

However, I do think it is a good idea to give myself a small treat at the end of the night when I have met my goals and been aware of my actions, and this still falls into smaller amounts less often.  Fun sized candy bars make this easy.  I used to buy Skinny Cow ice cream, which I still think is a terrible fucking name for a diet product aimed at women, but that is beside the point.  Anyway, I might buy some more, after we get a chest freezer that I can  hide them in.

Today’s Takeaway:  I can make the choice to stop eating without awareness.  Choices aren’t always easy, but I don’t remember anyone teaching me they were.

28/100

It is really neat to me that this day fell on Halloween.  Today’s chapter talks about eating just because it happens to be there.  What makes it even more fun is when you have a candy bowl that you invent reasons to walk by so you can justify snagging one of those fun size candy bars and savoring it, because I savored the shit out of every single one of the ones I ate.  Yikes.  And yeah, I ate more than one, and a few rice krispie bars, and a bag of doritos, and a twinkie.  Bad choices!  They were mine!

Eli and Alice and I did walk around the whole town though and I resisted eating any candy on the way.  I will find success where I can.

So obviously eating food just because it is there is another example of eating without awareness in action and if I have been paying any sort of attention to what I have been talking about for the last 29 days I know that it is a bad habit to get into, and a more difficult habit to get out of.

I didn’t do such a great job this time, but Day 29 is a new day, and I already started it out on a really good foot at the gym.  The leftover Halloween candy is still in the house, and I am not planning to get rid of it.  Wouldn’t that make it easier to not eat it just because it’s there?  Of course, but breaking a habit isn’t easy and learning to live with food that isn’t healthy for me in a healthy way is the only to build a more comfortable me.

Today’s Takeaway: I don’t eat food just because it is there.

29/100

Handheld foods are so terribly awesome.  Appetizers, snack size chip bags, chicken nuggets, I could go on and on, you don’t need me to.  This is where the author tells me to not eat out of packages and instead to put my food in a single serving bowl, and when that serving is gone make an aware decision to fill that bowl again or not by recognizing the difference between my needs and my wants.

ps.  it’s okay to give into my wants sometimes!

Another trick is to eat foods that don’t necessarily need utensils with utensils.  M&Ms with a fork anyone?

Today’s Takeaway: Single serving dishes are my friend.

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