Oh today, you started out with such promise.  I was so excited for Survivor, but I missed it because I was too busy sobbing and trying to understand algebra.  I have so many people who have offered to help, but if Travis can get so angry with me that he hits the table and swears at me to do it my fucking self I am concerned about how my friendships will hold up, I also think I am embarrassed.  I will not retain anything from this class, and at this point I don’t care; I just want to pass and maintain my GPA.  I refuse to miss American Horror Story: Asylum.

Soda is feeling better after one more bout of kitty puking yesterday.  I am relieved.

I did 50 minutes of circuit training this morning before I buckled down and wrote an essay about Socrates, the soul, and the afterlife.  Have I mentioned that I find the early philosophers to be utterly full of shit?  Because I find them to be utterly full of shit.  I have one more essay to write this week, double in length of the one I did today, but about Plato and Aristotle.  I also have to finish my math homework, do the study plan again, and then complete the self-check.  I am trying not to think about the awesome classes that are coming up after this block because I have 7 and a half weeks left.  It’s too soon to get excited about being done with this bullshit.  Okay okay, I’m done.

Tomorrow I am going in to get refills for my antidepressants, I will be weighed.  I am really crossing my fingers that the numbers will say something less than 231.  I meant to make the appt. for about a week after my period because my body bloats an extra 10 pounds a week before and a week after my period.  But I only have 7 days of meds left.  Luckily I was able to make the appt. for tomorrow so I may be sliding in before that extra 10 pounds attaches itself to my fucking uterus.  I have been eating really well and working out regularly so I should not be having so much anxiety over the number I will see tomorrow, but anxious I am.

My weight does not define me.  I know this.  It is just a number.  Right now it is a number that is important to me.  *shrug*

Today’s chapter talks about my morning affecting my evening.  If I skip breakfast I am more likely to impulse eat later in the day.  I want to get out of the habit of impulse eating so I am concentrating on eating whole grain oatmeal each morning, with a cut up banana or apple, 2 teaspoons of brown sugar and a sprinkling of cinnamon.  It seems to be working.  When I don’t eat oatmeal in the morning I tend to snack on filler later in the afternoon and evening.  She suggests always eating a healthy snack between 3 and 4 in the afternoon each day as a way to head off the afternoon droop.

What is the afternoon droop?  When the energy from my breakfast and my lunch is used up and my body asks for more and I don’t give it.  By giving myself quality fuel for breakfast and lunch I am giving myself enough energy to be active and productive during the early part of my day.  If I forget to refuel in the late afternoon with a healthy snack I set myself up to fail in the evening when I again refuel with healthy food.

Tomorrow we will talk about two bites and how awesome the concept is.  I really like the two bite rule.  Like super duper like it.

Today’s takeaway: my weight does not define me and the more I sweat the better I feel.


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