Holy crap!  I am tired, it might not help that I took a double dose of melatonin and am drinking a nice hot cup of tea.  That always puts me in the mood for my bed and a book.  I feel a little guilty today.  It’s homecoming and because Eli is in kindergarten he got to walk in the parade.  I didn’t go to watch him.  I pretty much hate football and could care less that it is homecoming.  I don’t want the candy and I wasn’t obligated to take any of my own minions to watch the parade.  I suppose if he grows up to be a football player in school I will have to go watch the games, so I see today as banking time when I may or may not have to go sit in the cold and watch sports that I loathe with a passion.  Maybe I only feel guilty because I feel as though I am expected to feel guilty for not wanting to “get into the spirit” of small town football fever.  Blech.

Want to know what I don’t feel guilty about?  I don’t feel guilty about downloading a workout remix of top 40 hits and taking to the trail to walk my ass off.  I shaved 10 minutes off my time and I attribute that to the fast tempo of the music I was listening too.  This is a far from scientific link, but I have known about this theory for quite some time, I just never paid much attention to it.  I am listening now.  I walked faster, and I was less fatigued during the walk and after.  I also did not have much trouble catching my breath during the walk which is new for me.  All in all I am getting healthier; today proved it.

I went over my calories today for the first time this week, but I have been under every other day so that I have no guilt over.  Also, I ate food that was healthy for the most part so guilt certainly doesn’t come into play here.  I think I need to get more protein on a daily basis though.  I crashed this afternoon and I crashed Thursday afternoon.  Nutrition can be tricky.  Also, my scale is still bipolar.  Yesterday I weighed 225, today apparently I weigh 231 again.  I call bullshit, shenanigans, malarkey, whatever.  Point being, I need a new fucking scale.

Today’s reading put more focus on articulating exactly what I need from my support people.  I read it but paid little attention because as I pointed out yesterday my support system rocks and they already give me what I need.  I have no problem telling people what I need from them because I know they are not mind readers; if anything I have to remind myself that it is okay to have a need that I let others help me with.  I don’t have to be the strongest one in the room and I can let others support me when I feel it is needed.  Recognizing that need is what I have to work on.  Right now my support system is working flawlessly, as is my willpower and motivation.  I am on a good track and I see no reason not to stay on it.


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