Day Twenty-Three: Enjoy Or Appreciate Completely Especially By Dwelling On It

Wow, I totally ignored all of you for the last four days.  The girls went to Rochester on Thursday after school because they all had Friday off.  They also had Monday off.  All these days off are annoying.

It only took 20 minutes before I had Eli and Alice lined up in the dining room with instructions to stop the fucking bickering or they will be stuck in their respective rooms ALL GODDAMN DAY.

This weekend was also the last weekend of classes in my last block.  That means I had to turn in my final research paper.  I felt like vomiting after submitting it and then the anxiety started.  I took the girls to see Hunger Games right after submitting the paper and about 20 minutes in I noticed that I was having trouble getting a satisfying breath, so I started doing my yoga breathing because I know that it fills my lungs completely, but it didn’t work.

I'm trying!

The issues continued yesterday and into this morning.  After a little advice from friends on Facebook I made an appointment to see my doctor.  A research paper should not cause these kinds of problems, especially since it is not logical to think I am so terrible at school that I am going to fail.

No way! Not me!

I am also 9 days away from the beginning of my period.  This means I want to eat.  Yesterday was a struggle.  The only thing that saved me was that we have no junk food in the house.  Eating terribly was not an option.

I did eat two processed cheese slices and a small handful of potato chips.

Guess what, I did not savor them, not at all.  I did however buy Eli a candy bar of his choice and cut off a small piece for the purposes of conducting the savoring experiment.  Linda is teaching me about tasting and enjoying the food I choose to eat.  As an emotional eater I tend to just stuff things in my mouth and chew them automatically.  When I eat bread without paying attention I won’t even chew it very much and will instead force huge lumps of it down my throat one after the other.

It's an illness.

Speaking of bread though, I haven’t eaten in the middle of the night since I first mentioned it here.  AWESOME!

I completed Today’s Exercise on Friday, I cut that piece of candy bar and ate it in six bites, savoring the shit out of every single one of them.  Each was about the size of a pencil eraser.

That means small, like super duper.

He chose a Baby Ruth, which for a long time was my favorite candy bar ever.  I successfully savored my candy and did not eat any more of the candy bar, even though Eli left it on the table for an hour a half, eating it off and on, for about 3 hours.

He’s an odd sort of boy.

and I mean that in the most positive and awesome way ever.

Linda suggests using an Andes mint for this exercise.  That would have been a great idea for me if I had been able to find a place that sells them one by one.  Buying a box of Andes Mints and then stopping myself from eating them during PMS week is just a bad idea.

Try to imagine eating one of these in 6 bites instead of one. Then do it because Linda says so.

She says to eat the corners first, savoring each bite, then biting it in half for the last two bites.  To really truly savor the taste of it, you have to let it melt on your tongue, then you have to spread the melted pool of minty dark chocolate all over the inside of your mouth and let it sit there for a few moments before you swallow.  Now write about what it tasted like and felt like while it was melting in your mouth.  Be poetic about it.  Ugh…I want one of these.  Someone who reads this and has Andes Mints, send me one…pretty fucking please!

I neglected my workout yesterday.  I really shouldn’t have done that but I did.  I am going to the doctor this morning about the breathing/anxiety issue.  I am not concerned about missing a few days of exercise.  I really must keep my eating on track though.  I will feel pretty damn good if I can survive two consecutive periods without eating like I want to (which is unhealthy for me).

Today’s Commitments

  • Make healthy food choices
  • Finish discussion questions
  • Respond to classmates
  • Start hum/111 assignment




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