Day Twenty-One: Don’t Forget To Taste What You Are Putting In Your Mouth

Yesterday was Day Two of the MamaVation 2 Week Challenge.  I also took a picture of myself in my underwear to compare in the next following weeks.  Pictures of myself in underwear…yowza.

These are the exercises that kicked my ass (I also added the Russian Twist ab workout from Day One because I love it!) :

My legs are swollen and sore from Monday.  Today is a repeat of Monday’s exercises so this will be interesting.  My ass also hurts, there are muscles in there I had no idea even existed!

HA!

I did not take an extra bike ride last night because Trav’s cousins, Christina and Jennifer (from Germany, this is her first time back in the states in 20 years!) as well as Jennifer’s girlfriend are in town.  We drove over to say hi and invite them to dinner tonight.  We would have stayed longer but Eli got to go back to school today and he needed to shower and go to bed.  He is celebrating his pretend birthday at school today with Butterfly cakes.

I didn't have time to bake cupcakes like I wanted. I am enmeshed in finals week and barely have enough time to breathe. Also, these are much less messy for Mrs. Ham and her 10 preschool students. You are welcome Mrs. Ham!

He has been instructed to not bring them home, because I will be tempted to eat them, and I am not ready for this sort of temptation quite yet.  Eventually my friends, just not quite yet.

I mentioned on my fitness group on Facebook that I think I am getting myself addicted to working out.  I have never felt better in my entire life.  It is sort of awesome.

No matter how I move my entire body hurts, in a great way.  It’s a hurt that makes me aware of my muscles and my body’s capabilities, both are things I never paid attention to before.  My legs moved because I made them move, not because they are capable.  I remember a few months after I lost my son in 2001, I was walking up to the office of a school for a job interview.  I recall watching my legs move me to the front door, but I couldn’t feel them or understand how they could move when my whole world had crumbled.  It felt like a betrayal.

hehe...adorable shit!

Well I can fucking feel them now, and understanding their purpose with awareness makes everything else I am trying to do seem a little easier and a little more attainable.

I have also been making it a point to run up stairs when I encounter them.  You know what is the coolest thing about it?  When I get to the top, I am not even breathing hard.  WHAT WHAT!?!

Huzzah!

I have successfully completed 20 days.  This is awesome.

To recap, Days 1-10 concentrated on getting ready to implement changes in my attitude, my diet, and my fitness level.  Linda talked about commitment and what it means.  I learned that commitment means no matter what.  I learned that my fall back excuses were not acceptable.  I learned that if I want to change my physical appearance and my internal health, commitment was not optional.

Days 11-20 concentrated on the two purposes of food, fuel and appreciation of flavors.  Linda taught me that I eat food to fuel my body, this is the main and most important point of food.  I learned how to distinguish between fuel and filler and I learned how to eat FABULOUS tasting food responsibly.

The first twenty days seem to have been designed to help me categorize food into appropriate columns and gave me the opportunity to practice using them responsibly.  They gave me a nice foundation to begin tackling the topics in Days 21-3o.

Today Linda discusses eating with awareness.  It can be argued that I should spend my waking hours in awareness of everything I do, it can also be argued that sometimes I just don’t care to be aware.  I suppose I could also say that my 20 years of really bad decisions could be related to my desire to NOT be aware.  Being aware can be difficult, and the first step is becoming aware of the need to be aware.

Nice try but no.

I used to live in the cities with Jacelyn and Alice’s dad Aaron.  It was an emotionally and physically abusive relationship that I remained in for 9 years.  We lived up the street from a McDonald’s.  I clearly remember driving to McDonald’s (less than a block away), and buying cheeseburgers, at least two.  I would drive around and eat the cheeseburgers one after the other, no breaks, huge bites, not enough chewing.  I don’t remember tasting them.  I don’t remember allowing myself to feel the emotions I was trying to eat away, but I do remember that nothing changed but my waistline and the insults I received on a daily basis because of it.

He was a liar.

Family dinners are a great way to begin creating awareness of what you are eating.  But what if you don’t have a family?  Do you find yourself eating while hanging out in the kitchen, do you read newspapers, books, or magazines while you eat, or talk on the phone or watch TV?  All of those activities detract from your awareness of what you are eating.  There have been times that I have done homework while eating lunch.  Even though my lunches are stupid healthy, it is still an issue that I am not aware of what I am eating while I am eating it.

For an emotional eater like me, being unaware of the food going in means my brain doesn’t recognize satisfaction which prompts me to physically feel as though I need to consume more to attain that feeling of being fed and content.  That’s the heart of it I think, if my brain doesn’t recognize it my body demands more, I eat more and expect to feel better, but feel worse because of overeating.  It’s a cycle that has to be broken if i intend to live my life in a healthy and self-aware manner.

I have mentioned before that food is not optional, everyone has to eat.  I have to be responsible for the quality of my life and my food and I no longer choose to believe that the two are mutually exclusive.

Today’s exercise’s ask me to prepare for mindful eating by setting the table and environment in order to create an aura of awareness.  Linda wants me to sit down at my table and focus entirely on the food in front of me.  Including the smell, texture, appearance, and flavors.  This is an exercise I definitely need to do, but I am NOT pulling out Grandma Heimer’s good china.

This is what would happen, I am certain of it.

Trav is making hamburgers for dinner tonight as we are having his cousins over.  Trav’s hamburgers are delicious.  I am kind of excited to eat it with awareness this evening on the not good china with some awesome family members who like me!  They really really like me!  I plan to be aware of my lunch too, even though it’s nothing but my regular salad, and my oatmeal this morning.

Today’s Commitments

  • Be aware of my food today
  • Make delicious dessert to have after dinner and only eat two bites
  • Take pictures of the kids
  • Day Three 2 week challenge workout
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