Day Three: Commitment Continued. Wait, You Mean I Have To Do This All The Time?

Yes, that is exactly what I mean.  To be committed I have to do it all the time.  What is it?  I have to exercise regularly and eat food that is good for me, consistently and NO MATTER WHAT.

No matter what?  But, sometimes I don’t want to.  Like when?  Like when Target has those disgusting but delicious sugar cookies with the inch thick shortening frosting with shamrocks sprinkled all over them.  Like yesterday.

These are obviously not the shamrock ones.

Yesterday I chose to be interested in my health instead of committed.  I ate cookies, like half the package of cookies.  And I have the nerve to wonder where that extra 35 pounds came from.  It’s like I am trying to convince myself that I am not as smart as I know I am.

Merriam Webster defines sabotage as:

1sab·o·tage

noun \ˈsa-bə-ˌtäzh\

Definition of SABOTAGE

1. destruction of an employer’s property (as tools or materials) or the hindering of manufacturing by discontented workers
2. destructive or obstructive action carried on by a civilian or enemy agent to hinder a nation’s war effort
3. a : an act or process tending to hamper or hurt
     b : deliberate subversion

I am sabotaging my health.  I know it, I’ve known it for awhile.  The big question is why am I doing it and how do I stop.  I have no idea why I do it, because I am lazy and really like to eat food that tastes sweet and cloying on my tongue?  Sometimes, yes.  If I dig deeper I would say that I am afraid to let go of what I see as my last vestige of who I was for 32 years (dysfunctional and selfish).  I stop by admitting it to myself and to all of you.  I admit that it is ok for me to let go of that because I do not need her anymore.  I admit that I don’t like her and I don’t want her.

Then I tell you that despite the cookies I ate yesterday, the rest of my food choices were healthy and made consciously, and I also went rollerskating with the family.

I hugged the wall. The. Whole. Time.

I also figured out that if we want to make money we need to purchase a roller rink.  It’s great exercise, it’s super fun, and two out of three children loved it.

My Day Three exercises asked me to make a list of actions I am committing myself to today:

  • Yoga, 10 minutes or more
  • Answer all 6 discussion questions in class
  • Draft a tester email
  • Fold and put away the laundry
Totally inspired right?  It is actually a good representation of my day with a small amount of extra time COMMITTED to physical activity.
What kinds of excuses do I like to use when I don’t feel like doing it, when I am merely interested instead of committed:
  • Because I don’t want to (too bad, put on your big girl panties and remember your commitment)
  • My stomach/head/hips hurt (no they don’t, do something less strenuous like Yoga or a walk around the block just fucking MOVE)
  • I have too much homework to do (20 minutes, Jillian Michaels, you spend more time on Facebook than that and you know it)
  • I have my period (and exercise relieves cramps, do it)
  • I don’t have time (shut the fuck up)

Don't forget that day two years ago when you took this picture and announced you had lost 40 lbs.

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One thought on “Day Three: Commitment Continued. Wait, You Mean I Have To Do This All The Time?

  1. I’ve been keeping up with your blog because I find these exercises interesting. I have faltered lately myself…some due to circumstances out of my control and some due to the fact that it’s just easier to NOT. I have to remind myself sometimes that I know for a fact I feel better when I exercise and eat healthy foods. This morning, I did my 30 minutes on my stationary bike. Then I ate a mango for breakfast. I love to do my exercise in the mornings…otherwise the day fills up with all sorts of other stuff to do and then I have tons of reasons for putting it off. It also helps that this wretched month is almost over, the sun is shining and daylight savings time is quickly approaching. 🙂

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