Day One: Today I Had a Physical

Yes, my ass cheeks are imprinted upon the paper. My horror will not stop me from from sharing.

For the first time in my life I have health insurance that is not state run.  This requires a physical, if you get the physical each year and participate in the health management program they have developed, your premium is lower.  Today was the day.

Yesterday I received a book in the mail that I intended to buy for my Kindle, but accidentally bought in hard copy form.

Written by Linda Spangle

I think it may have been a happy accident, because I think this may be the kind of motivation I have been looking for.  I am unsatisfied with my weight.  I know what I have to do and I have the tools and the time to do it.  I am aware of what good nutrition consists of and I actually love eating that way.  I am also inconsistent and terribly prone to procrastination and I am really good at coming up with lame ass excuses for why I can’t possibly move for twenty minutes today and tomorrow and all the way to next fucking month!

Enough!  The fact is that I can still fit into all of my clothes, except these…

My sweet ass

They were my favorite jeans last fall, and I remember the way I felt when I put them on.  I want to feel that way again so I dug into my first and last Cadbury Creme Egg of the year…

Told myself I was fucking awesome…

You my friend are smart, and beautiful, and talented, and funny, and you are worth WAY more than you think.

…and did the exercise for Day One.

The book instructed me to take stock of the behaviors I associate with eating and loss of control, I had to list them:

  • Middle of the night grazing.
  • pms eating
  • mindless snacking
  • I slip up, feel like I ruined it and end up failing
  • My weight defines me
  • I only lose weight during emotional crisis situations
  • I make bad choices
  • I am inconsistent

Alright, so there it all is.  Everything I do and think about my weight and my struggles with it.  I have given them shape and now I am going to rip the fucking power right out of them, like this:

  • I used to eat in the middle of the night, but now I wait until morning.
  • I used to use pms as an excuse to make bad choices,but now I see it for what it is, an excuse.
  • I used to sit and eat out of bags and boxes, but now I pay attention to serving size.
  • I used to slip up on my diet plan then feel like I failed and sabotage the rest of my day or week, but now I recognize the impossibility of never making a mistake.  I choose to hold myself to a more realistic set of expectations.
  • I used to let my weight define me, but now I insist on defining myself.
  • I used to only lose weight during crisis situations, but now I eat healthy all the time because I deserve to be taken care of not punished.
  • I used to make choices fueled by emotion, but now I recognize my ability to implement the nutrition and fitness goals I have as a way to balance my mental health.
  • I used to be inconsistent but now I stick to a schedule of physical activity as a daily occurrence in order to further my goal of looking like a fucking pin-up girl for Travis.

The hardest thing for me to do is not look at Day Two and what the author has in store for me.  I do know that this exercise lit a spark, and I think this is what I have been looking for to help me in a quest to finally reconcile the one thing I have yet to be comfortable with; my body and my health.  I can be healthier and it doesn’t matter in the least who I am doing it for or why, the point is I can so why the fuck aren’t I?

Advertisements

One thought on “Day One: Today I Had a Physical

  1. Pingback: Day Two: What Exactly is Commitment? « Holy Crap! That's Delicious!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s